Nyttårsaften, hva er det??

Så er jula overstått, og det er tid for nyttårsaften. Hva er egentlig det??
I frykt for å virke som en gammel bitter grinebiter, så må jeg si at nyttår er bare oppskrytt. Vi skal liksom feire inngangen til et nytt år, med nye muligheter... Men jeg ser ikke helt poenget med det!

Kan jo nevne et par ting jeg har tenkt på:

 * Jeg blir ett år eldre, og ett år til nærmere 40 (noe jeg ser for meg som et levende blæææh)
 * Jeg skal tilbringe nok et år i samme duren som jeg har gjort de par siste årene, forhåpentligvis uten nok en opplevelse av det norske rettssystem. Føler jeg har hatt klippekort der de siste 2 årene.
 * Flere ensomme lørdager (noe som er både bra, men mest dårlig!!)
 * Flere grå hår og rynker. Og ikke minst større poser under øya..

Men selvfølgelig ønsker jeg meg også et år hvor jeg kan sette meg ned og si til meg selv, "så flink du er Monica, så mye du får til!" Men nyttårsforsetter, det har jeg ingen planer om å ha. Jeg "følger flommen" og tar ting som det kommer. Og det skal sies at jeg har åpnet mange nye dører i livet mitt, og har fått en mer meningsfyllt hverdag noe som jeg så for meg som HELT uoppnåelig for et par år siden. Men allikevel uten min prins og prinsesser, så er ingenting sånn det skal være...

Men tenkte jeg kunne vise prosjektet jeg jobbet timesvis med i ukene før jul, både sammen med unga og generelt. Må si jeg ble ganske så fornøyd med det til slutt!

JEG KAN HVIS JEG VIL!!!!

og det vil jeg så absolutt

Så til sist vil jeg bare si at jeg er POSITIV til det nye året! Selv om det kanskje ikke virker sånn.. Men etter jeg døpte om bloggen, så er ikke alltid "veien videre" så lett og takle. Jeg kommer til og ha både tunge og gode dager som alle andre. Men det er ikke noen vits å pakke alt inn i bomull, hvem er tjent med det?? Livet uten barna mine er ikke det livet jeg hadde sett for meg, fra jeg fikk den første for snart 14 år siden. Men jeg elsker de ikkenoe mindre for det! De er fortsatt livet mitt, og de er min største prestasjon!!!!

Tilbake sitter jeg..

Nå er juleferien over for meg, og jeg sitter alene igjen tilbake etter og ha hatt besøk av søster'n og familie halv annen uke. De reiste hjem på tirsdag og alene igjen satt jeg og lillegutt. Han skulle få være hos meg en dag ekstra, så idag reiste han hjem til pappa.

Så da satt jeg her da.. STILLE, tuller du eller! Men jeg sitter igjen med mange koselige og noen få ikke fullt så koselige opplevelser av denne julefeiringa.

Jeg kan jo begynne med å fortelle at det første som skjedde var at komfyren min gikk til dundas! Jada, rett før jul og jeg som skulle lage julemedda' med søster'n og greier. Men jeg fiksa det jeg, akkurat i tide. Det som var litt mer interessant var jo at denne komfyren jo var helt ny for meg, og det er ikke alltid like lett og sette seg inn i "ting" uten bruksanvisning. Her sto vi å kokkelerte, og jeg kunne ikke skjønne hvorfor min "nye brukte, defekte komfyr" skulle være så vanskelig å ha med å gjøre. Hovedplata ville jo ikke virke som den skulle... Du kan tro vi sjonglerte... Men gjestene kom trillende inn døra, så kommer selvfølgelig min kjære mamma og forteller meg at det bare var å vri bryteren over en gang til.. så ville hele virke, og vips så virka'n gitt!!!... Haaalllloooo! Er det mulig?? Men middagen og selskapet ble perfekt det! På selveste (lille) julaften, med mine 3 små prins og prinsesser, mamma og pappa, søster'n, gubben hennes og lille prinsessa, og jaggu kom ikke broder'n og gitt.. Hele familien fulltallig, for første gang på gud veit hvor lenge...

Men en av de største opplevelsene jeg hadde var selvfølgelig dette:

Så fullt har ikke mitt kjøleskap vært siden jeg ble alene, og det kommer det heller sikkert ikke til å bli igjen heller.. Men jeg har det i allefall godt dokumentert, så jeg kan ta det frem igjen på en dårlig dag hvor jeg sitter og lurer på om jeg skal ha spaghetti eller makaroni til middag ;-)

Også må jeg bare legge ved et lite bilde til....

Min prins og søstern's lille prinsesse

Syns dette bildet som sikkert Lisa har tatt beskriver så godt det forholdet de to "småtrolla" fikk til hverandre..



Også en litt altfor sjelden begivenhet i mitt liv...

 

Mitt vinterlandskap

Tenkte jeg bare skulle vise at jeg egentlig har det ganske fint i omgivelsene, selv om jeg bor her jeg bor...

Og dette er bare noen minutter seinere..


Også må jeg bare legge til at jeg egentlig hater å ta landskapsbilder, det er liksom ikke min spesialitet. Men likevel, noen ganger er vel det også greit..

Mitt favorittmåltid!

Etter unga flytta, og alt ble snudd på hodet. Brukte jeg lang tid på å begynne og lage mat til meg selv, jeg er fortsatt ikke helt der. Men jeg er på god vei....

Og for ikke å snakke om at lørdagene er noe av det værste som finnes. Hvorfor? det kan jeg ikke forklare, men jeg antar det har mye med at det er dagen man spiser god mat og koser seg i godt selskap. Og da tenker jeg mest på unga.

Men igår så fant jeg ut at jeg skulle spandere på meg noe annet enn det jeg spiser til vanlig, som egentlig ikke er så mye og hvertfall ikke veldig avansert.

Jeg kosa meg hvertfall, selv om lukta i leiligheten idag minner mest om et gatekjøkken... Kanskje ikke det beste utseende, men SINNSYKT godt om jeg skal si det selv!

Samværshelg med Heine

Det er jo en stund siden jeg har blogga, og man kan jo si jeg har blitt litt inspirert av Marlene til å begynne igjen.

Det er andre søndag i advent, så jeg og Heine har funnet frem det lille jeg hadde av julepynt og pyntet litt her og der.. Litt stusselig er det, men jeg kan jo si at jeg liker det litt minimalistisk..

Vi har fått gjort masse i helga, så nå er det bare for julen og gjøre sitt store innrykk.

Pink/ Fuckin'`perfect

Made a wrong turn, once or twice
Dug my way out, blood and fire
Bad decisions, that's alright
Welcome to my silly life
Mistreated, misplaced, misunderstood
Miss 'No way, it's all good', it didn't slow me down
Mistaken, always second guessing, underestimated
Look, I'm still around
Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than f*ckin' perfect
Pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel like you're nothing
You're f*ckin' perfect to me!
You're so mean, when you talk about yourself, you were wrong
Change the voices in your head, make them like you instead
So complicated, look happy, you'll make it!
Filled with so much hatred...such a tired game
It's enough! I've done all I can think of
Chased down all my demons, I've seen you do the same
Oh, pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than f*ckin' perfect
Pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel like you're nothing
You're f*ckin' perfect to me
The whole world's scared so I swallow the fear
The only thing I should be drinking is an ice cold beer
So cool in line, and we try try try, but we try too hard and it's a waste of my time
Done looking for the critics, cause they're everywhere
They dont like my jeans, they don't get my hair
Exchange ourselves, and we do it all the time
Why do we do that? Why do I do that?
Why do I do that..?
Yeah, oh, oh baby, pretty baby..!
Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than f*ckin' perfect
Pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel
Like you're nothing, you're f*cking perfect to me
You're perfect, you're perfect!
Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than f*ckin' perfect
Pretty please, if you ever feel like you're nothing
You are perfect to me....

Rihanna feat. Eminem/Love the way you lie part 2

[Rihanna]
On the first page of our story
the future seemed so bright
then this thing turned out so evil
I don't know why I'm still surprised
even angels have their wicked schemes
and you take that to new extremes
but you'll always be my hero
even though you've lost your mind
[Chorus]
Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
but that's all right because I like the way it hurts
just gonna stand there and hear me cry
but that's all right because I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie
Ohhh, I love the way you lie
[Rihanna]
Now there's gravel in our voices
glass is shattered from the fight
in this tug of war, you'll always win
even when I'm right
'cause you feed me fables from your hand
with violent words and empty threats
and it's sick that all these battles
are what keeps me satisfied
[Chorus]
[Rihanna]
So maybe I'm a masochist
[I try to run but I don't wanna ever leave
til the walls are goin' up
in smoke with all our memories
[Eminem]
This morning, you wake, a sunray hits your face
smeared makeup as we lay in the wake of destruction
hush baby, speak softly, tell me you're awfully sorry
that you pushed me into the coffee table last night
so I can push you off me
try and touch me so I can scream at you not to touch me
run out the room and I'll follow you like a lost puppy
baby, without you, I'm nothing, I'm so lost, hug me
then tell me how ugly I am, but that you'll always love me
then after that, shove me, in the aftermath of the
destructive path that we're on, two psychopaths but we
know that no matter how many knives we put in each other's backs
that we'll have each other's backs, 'cause we're that lucky
together, we move mountains, let's not make mountains out of molehills,
you hit me twice, yeah, but who's countin'?
I may have hit you three times, I'm startin' to lose count
but together, we'll live forever, we found the youth fountain
our love is crazy, we're nuts, but I refused counselin'
this house is too huge, if you move out I'll burn all two thousand
square feet of it to the ground, ain't shit you can do about it
with you I'm in my f-ckin' mind, without you, I'm out it
[Chorus]

Eminem feat. Rihanna/ Love the way you lie

 

[Refrain - Rihanna]
Just gonna stand there
And watch me burn
But that's alright
Because I like
The way it hurts
Just gonna stand there
And hear me cry
But that's alright
Because I love
The way you lie
I love the way you lie
[Eminem]
I can't tell you what it really is
I can only tell you what it feels like
And right now there's a steel knife
In my windpipe
I can't breathe
But I still fight
While I can fight
As long as the wrong feels right
It's like I'm in flight
High of a love
Drunk from the hate
It's like I'm huffing paint
And I love it the more that I suffer
I suffocate
And right before I'm about to drown
She resuscitates me
She fucking hates me
And I love it
Wait
Where you going
I'm leaving you
No you ain't
Come back
We're running right back
Here we go again
It's so insane
'Cause when it's going good
It's going great
I'm Superman
With the wind in his bag
She's Lois Lane
But when it's bad
It's awful
I feel so ashamed
I snap
Who's that dude
I don't even know his name
I laid hands on her
I'll never stoop so low again
I guess I don't know my own strength
[Refrain - Rihanna]
Just gonna stand there
And watch me burn
But that's alright
Because I like
The way it hurts
Just gonna stand there
And hear me cry
But that's alright
Because I love
The way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie
[Eminem]
You ever love somebody so much
You can barely breathe
When you're with them
You meet
And neither one of you
Even know what hit 'em
Got that warm fuzzy feeling
Yeah them chills
Used to get 'em
Now you're getting fucking sick
Of looking at 'em
You swore you've never hit 'em
Never do nothing to hurt 'em
Now you're in each other's face
Spewing venom
And these words
When you spit 'em
You push
Pull each other's hair
Scratch, claw, bit 'em
Throw 'em down
Pin 'em
[ From: http://www.metrolyrics.com/love-the-way-you-lie-lyrics-rihanna.html ]
So lost in the moments
When you're in 'em
It's the rage that took over
It controls you both
So they say it's best
To go your separate ways
Guess that they don't know ya
'Cause today
That was yesterday
Yesterday is over
It's a different day
Sound like broken records
Playin' over
But you promised her
Next time you'll show restraint
You don't get another chance
Life is no Nintendo game
But you lied again
Now you get to watch her leave
Out the window
Guess that's why they call it window pane
[Refrain - Rihanna]
Just gonna stand there
And watch me burn
But that's alright
Because I like
The way it hurts
Just gonna stand there
And hear me cry
But that's alright
Because I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie
[Eminem]
Now I know we said things
Did things
That we didn't mean
And we fall back
Into the same patterns
Same routine
But your temper's just as bad
As mine is
You're the same as me
But when it comes to love
You're just as blinded
Baby please come back
It wasn't you
Baby it was me
Maybe our relationship
Isn't as crazy as it seems
Maybe that's what happens
When a tornado meets a volcano
All I know is
I love you too much
To walk away though
Come inside
Pick up your bags off the sidewalk
Don't you hear sincerity
In my voice when I talk
Told you this is my fault
Look me in the eyeball
Next time I'm pissed
I'll aim my fist
At the dry wall
Next time
There will be no next time
I apologize
Even though I know it's lies
I'm tired of the games
I just want her back
I know I'm a liar
If she ever tries to fucking leave again
I'm 'na tie her to the bed
And set the house on fire
[Refrain - Rihanna]
Just gonna stand there
And watch me burn
But that's alright
Because I like
The way it hurts
Just gonna stand there
And hear me cry
But that's alright
Because I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie.

Hver gang det skjer en endring i livet mitt, hører jeg en sang som jeg føler beskriver det meste..

 

Her er teksten på noen:

Beth Hart/ Like you and everyone else

I've been to Hell and it looked just like Heaven,
I made a friend and I felt forgiven,
Like you, and everyone else...
I am ashamed but, I am just human,
With oceans of dreams, and seas of confusion,
Like you... and everyone else...
Holding my breath when I just want to scream,
Hidin' the face I don’t want you to see,
Making a mess of myself trying to be like you,
And everyone else...
They put me away, and told me I’m crazy,
I don't belong but, but maybe they'll save me,
Talk to the pain, it's been here forever,
The drugs make me sane, but they don't make me better..
Holding my breath when I just want to scream,
Hiding the face, I don’t want you to see,
Making a mess of myself trying to be like you,
like you...
Losing my faith when I say I believe,
Looking at you for the answers I need,
Walking away from myself, trying to be like you,
And everyone else.
Everyone else..
Talk to me, talk to me, talk to me... till this is over..
Talk to me, talk to me, talk to me... I am worth fighting for...
Holding my breath when I just want to scream,
Hiding the face, I don’t want you to see,
Making a mess of myself trying to be like you,
Like you..
Losing my faith when I say I believe,
Looking at you for the answers I need,
Walking away from myself, trying to be like you,
And everyone else.
(Talk to me, talk to me, talk to me, everyone else...
Talk to me, talk to me, talk to me, like you...
Talk to me, talk to me, talk to me, everyone else...)
Walk in the rain, let it fall on my face.
There’s a shadow of doubt but a sky full of grace,
I’m not like you, and everyone else...